The Attack of the Deku Scrub
by lone-apprentice
Summary: Link gets more than he bargained for when he turns down a mad Deku Scrub.
1. Deku Scrub

1 The Attack of the Deku Scrub  
  
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Link gets his from a most unexpected enemy.  
  
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It was a normal day for the hero of time, Link. He was wondering aimlessly through the Forest of Seasons, when he heard a voice call out to him, "Pssssst! Hey, Link! Come here!" Link looked around for a moment and started to follow the origin of the voice. At the base of a cliff, he found a Deku Scrub, sitting all by its lonesome, looking at Link.  
  
"What do you want?" Our hero asked the plant-like creature.  
  
"Buy something! A shield for fifty rupees, or ten bombs for thirty!" The scrub pleaded.  
  
"No thanks, I have all that I need right here." Link said, waving bye to the scrub.  
  
"It's not over, you fool. It's not over at all."  
  
Link continued his journey through the forest, thinking about how he was going to kill General Onox to save Din. He found his way to a potion shop, and seeing as how he was slightly low on health, he decided to buy an inexpensive potion to tide him over until he found a fairy. He purchased a three hundred-rupee potion that would refill his life when he died, and three heart containers for ten rupees. On his way out, he heard someone else call to him, "Link! Come here!"  
  
He walked around, ignoring the voice, until he came across another Deku Scrub. "Why did you ignore me?" The scrub demanded.  
  
"What do you want?" Link was starting to get agitated.  
  
"You could spend three hundred and ten rupees on health, but not even eighty on protection so you wont have to spend that much to refill your health?" The scrub had a point.  
  
"I told you, I already have those things that you're selling." Link said, starting to turn away.  
  
"But I have something new that I'm sure you don't have." The scrub said, catching Link's attention again.  
  
"Yeah, what?" Link asked the little bush.  
  
"It's only sixty rupees, and it's called the Master's Wish." Link's eyes turned to a confused stare upon hearing of such a thing.  
  
"What in the hell is the Master's Wish?" Link asked, looking at the plant.  
  
"The Master's Wish is for you to die!" The scrub yelled, as it exploded out of the ground, and spit a large seed at Link, sending him to the ground. The Deku Scrub grew to an enormous size, grew arms and legs, shed the plant, and began to laugh evilly.  
  
Link managed to find his footing and he asked, "What are you?"  
  
"I am the Master, and I have a wish for you to die! You've never purchased my items, and you've always deflected my seeds back at me, manipulating me into telling my family secrets. Now, you die." Link drew his sword, readied his shield, and prepared to fight the creature.  
  
"I've killed far worse opponents than you!" Link yelled as he charged the thing with the ferocity of a tiger. The Deku mutant jumped out of the way, and sent a blast of energy at the unprepared hero, hitting him in the back. Link spiraled into a rock face, and fell to the ground below, badly injured. The monster behind him readied for another attack, and Link tried his best to raise his shield, knowing that if he took another hit like that, he wouldn't make it.  
  
The blast was shot, and upon contact, incinerated Link's shield, and hit Link dead in the chest. A mighty splatter of torn clothing, blood, fragmented bone, and internal organs was strewn across the ground below, as what was once Link lay a hollow form of a body, charred, and quite lifeless. The mutant Deku began to laugh again, and it turned its back to Link, thinking that it had done its task. Little did it remember that Link had purchased a life-refilling potion at the shop. Suddenly, a bright white light engulfed Link's body, as he began to reform. After about a minuet, Link was alive and kicking again, and had a look on his face that would have killed fifty Stalfos with just the look. Link placed his Pegasus Boots on his feet, and aimed his sword. He took off running, sword poised, and prepared to tear through the creature's heart.  
  
Just as Link neared the creature, the thing turned around, making Link run right past him. The thing was now behind Link, and before Link could react, the creature was proceeding to hit him with his claw-like hand. Link's shoulder was shattered as the crab-like pincer struck it, and knocked Link to the ground. Link knew that he couldn't lose now, for if he did, it would be his last life. He flipped himself over, and took out a bomb. As the creature neared, he pitched the bomb into its body, and it exploded, causing a massive shock wave that forced Link to the ground. Link was sure of it being over, but he knew better, and he was right to. The Deku monster was still very alive, and it still had a burning desire to eradicate Link. The creature took advantage of Link's position, and jumped into the air, planning to land on Link. The plan worked, and Link's body was sheared in half by the monster's clawed foot.  
  
Link reared up, spitting a tidal wave of blood out of his mouth, and looking at what used to be legs, when the monster struck again. The thing backhanded Link with its pincer, sending the half Link flying across the area. Link's jaw was totally shattered, and he was losing tremendous amounts of blood from half of his body being gone. He knew that it was the end, he only begged for it to be fast. It was not to be though, as the monster drug out its coming over to Link, and when it did, it spoke, "I win after, Link. If you had only spent fifty rupees for a shield, none of this ever would have happened." With that, the thing reared back its pincer, and smashed it into the top of Link's skull, instantaneously shattering it into fragments of bone and strands of hair. It was over, and the creature had won.  
  
  
  
Note: Please don't take this story as a serious one. This'll only be one chapter, and it's intended to be a comedy. Some people don't get their kicks out of someone being killed gruesomely, but I do. If anyone wants to continue this story, mail me, and I'll be happy to give you the go ahead. Review and tell me what you think. Keep it real! 


	2. Chicken

1 Chicken  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters portrayed in this story. I only own the story itself.  
  
  
  
Note: Well, I decided to just turn this little story into a small archive of chapters where an unexpected foe kills Link. I must admit that this wasn't totally original. Someone who kindly reviewed this story gave me the idea.  
  
  
  
  
  
Another peaceful day finds Link wandering through the land, looking for something to do. For once in his life, he isn't trying to find a monster, solve a puzzle, discover an ancient artifact, or anything else. He's just totally bored. Suddenly, like a tidal wave of rage, Link finds himself wanting to just hack away at something. True, our hero spends most of his time killing things, so when he isn't doing it, he becomes ill. His addiction to killing has just been halted with his not killing, and he's suffering from a relapse.  
  
So, like a madman, Link draws his sword and starts to chop trees, bushes, and anything else that could look like an enemy. While his maiming of inanimate objects lulls his need a bit, he needs more. What Link needs, he soon finds out, is something living to kill. So, keeping his sword out, he starts to run like never before, looking for anything to kill. Soon, he comes to a house. This house has a lone creature in front of it. The thing is covered with feathers, its head snubbing to a beak, and its feet made of skinny bone, covered with flesh with claws at the end. It is solid white, and Link knows this animal well.  
  
"Here, chicken, chicken, chicken." Link calls to the bird, soothingly. But, to Link's utter disbelief and horror, the chicken turns to him.  
  
"I ain't a damn cat! Don't use a kitty call on me!" With a flip of its tail, the chicken turns about-face and walks in the opposite direction of Link.  
  
"How dare that insolent bird mock me?" Link says under his breath. Then, with a ferocious cry, Link poises his sword and dashes for the bird. As if it didn't care, the chicken just stood there. Stood there, while Link used every bit of power he could muster to chop at the bird repeatedly. To Link's horror, the bird didn't even flinch. Instead, the thing just emitted a flashing glow, whenever struck. Fifty times, Link hit the bird, fifty times the bird flashed, and on the fifty-first time, the bird had had enough. Leaping into the air, the chicken began to coo. As if like being summoned to a feeding, a sea of chickens swarmed to the original bird's aid, and surrounded it.  
  
"More? More! More, more, more!!" Link was ecstatic with excitement, as he saw all of the chickens as things to kill. Without a care, Link began to dance around, praising the heavens for such a blessing. But praise was not to be. With a maneuver quicker than anything Link had ever seen, the chickens all dashed at him. Like a giant razor, every razor-sharp claw of every ferocious chicken struck Link. Link suddenly crumpled to the ground with pain, and the chickens didn't let up. Flying high now, the chickens did mad dashes at him. They would swoop, one-at-a-time, to peck, stab, or slash at Link.  
  
Link a cowering baby; Link remained on the ground, wishing for a fast death. But it was not to be. Birds poured out of the sky like water from a pitcher, and each one did more damage to Link. Birds would swoop down, tearing small pieces of flesh from Link's back; they would spit it out though, because of the blood and fabric mingled into it. An especially large bird, rammed Link from the side, flipping him to his back, and making him look upward at the death looming overhead. Now, birds were at free reign to his face, pecking out his skin from his forehead, and lips. One managed to get his nose, and tore it from the very bone on his head.  
  
Not even his eyes were safe. The pecking of the birds managed to get an eye from Link, the force of the tear pulling Link from the ground by way of his string of nerve behind his eye. It finally broke though, and Link was on the ground again. Agony was never so vivid to Link now. His addiction to killing, in the end, got him killed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Post Note: Very short, and I didn't like the ending. But I didn't have much to say, due to some personal problems around here. But my dedicated ass is still writing. Next chapter will be very unexpected indeed, and I can only say to Link, Princess Zelda doesn't like you as much as you think. Keep it real, ya'll! 


End file.
